Monday, August 12, 2013

RIP Stanley ACE Vest?



When a human goes missing it is 7 years before they can be presumed dead, but for an ACE vest years are marked by conferences. So Stanley went missing before the Miracle Conference in May, at first we thought that this was a simple kidnapping and despite agreeing to the demands he was never returned. Stanley is now like Shergar a legend. 

Stanley has since missed the opportunity to appear at Miracle, OUG Scotland, Kscope, Annual Scalabilities Garden Party, SAOUG, and this week QUEST and AUSOUG in Australia. I think the time has come to bow to the inevitable and accept he is no more………………………….. unless you know different.


So how do you mark the passing of a legend? There are many traditions – scatter ashes in the sea, bury in a celebrity cemetery, but we have no body (although technically speaking Stanley never had a body). We could as in ancient India sacrifice his wife, I know Stanley said he and Miranda are  over, but she remains faithful and is still in their home (2nd wardrobe in the study) hoping he will one day return. So we could burn Miranda and scatter her ashes perhaps during our bay swim, and perhaps as once before we should have a sibling reunion to say goodbye perhaps also a wake at the ACE Director briefings. RIP Stanley Stickers?

What do you think we should do? Please comment here on his blog or on his facebook with your favourite memories of Stanley and how you would want him remembered.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Is The Kidnap All A Lie?


Debra is known for her Jazz hands, so sending her to the Big Easy for Kscope should be exciting, but she is sad....................

She is sad because she has no Stanley ACE Director, and KScope is his favorite conference, who can forget the Big Reunion with my family in 2009, or the Zoo in 2010, or My Visit to LA in 2010.

BUT Perhaps I am not really missing, perhaps this is just Debra getting her own back? I went to Kscope without her last year and perhaps she is just going without me this year?



Or am I still in a parcel somewhere in the Miracle Empire in Denmark? You Decide

Saturday, May 18, 2013

How Denmark won Eurovision


In the old days, Denmark took the women from the UK, but they are not proud, they will take the men as well.

I don't know how it happened but somehow I got left in Denmark after MOW. I think Mogens has something to do with it so I ought to be safe, after all he is one of my keepers.

Debra was hoping it was all just a misunderstanding but then this week she recieved a ransom note.


So all my fans were asked to vote today and it worked, Denmark won the competition.


So please Denmark can we have our vest back?


Sunday, May 12, 2013

Lost, Forgotten or Kidnapped?


I said May meant MOW. It also means sometimes having to travel on my own. MOW is very technical and we all know Debra isn't technical.

Mogens had seen Debra a few weeks before MOW so she should have just passed me to him, but no she decided limiting the days I had to spend in Denmark was safer and sent me by post.

To save me from the problem Danes she sent me to Jette, the Director of First Impressions (the receptionist) at Miracle, with strict instructions to give me to Kellyn, who could be trusted to look after me. Sadly that didn't happen.

After MOW there was a BBQ, but I was sad, because you see I was still in the parcel in Mogens' office just feet above them listening to it all and knowing my 3 keepers were together and I was forgotten.

At the party Kellyn told her I was still with Jette, but Jette wasn't at the party so Debra was a little sad and too frightened about what might have happened so didn't ask.

However at the party it appears Mogens moved his attentions to another vest as you can see in this photo. Perhaps he didn't want me there.



Mogens promises I am safe and says he will send me home, but I am scared. Very scared.

Torture of the Mind


So May arrives, and I worry. May means MOW and the annual visit to Denmark, don't get me wrong I love Denmark but that is where that 'Dane' lives and they do horrible things to me.

This year Debra tells me the theme was skinning. I mentioned in an earlier posting the Reindeer that Gunnar skinned, it has pride of place in Mogens house (I think Debra put it there), a permanent reminder of what happens to troublesome animals.


The outside in the garden was a drying goat skin, now I don't like those goats and they kept running away from me but this looked wierd.


 And then during the weekend another goat was culled, by the Tank Commander.

Think I did well to stay out the way

Down on the Farm (in Helsinki)


Debra lives in the country, and when (only when) she lets me look out the window I get to see the tractors in the feilds, so when HeliFromFinland (funny name) said she would show me some tractors in Helsinki I was really excited.


The first one was a bit basic but fun none the less.


Then the next one was Green, I like Green, my favorite is John Deere

 
But they saved the best for last, this one was a real fast one , and they let me ride it.


 I got to milk a cow, and obviously very good at it as the cow simply stood still and quiet.


Then I saw a reindeer, my friend Gunnar shoots reindeer so I was a little concerned (he is too friendly with those Danes), but I was safe. It was a good day.




I Thought The Danes Hated Me ........


So at OUGF I was quite safe, there were no Danes on the conference, so I was safe, wasn't I?

Well that was until the dutchman Alex Nuijten decided to climb up a statue - in full view of a Helsinki policeman. 


They are known as the 3 Smiths, a collection of people who then proceeded to batter me.


I was probably safer with the Danes!